Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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