I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
