I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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