somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
