just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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