Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
