Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
