I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
