I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
