O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
