K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
