omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
