Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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