As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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