nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
