"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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