I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
worst night to have a conscience
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
