I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
