saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
