Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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