420 ftw
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
