I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
