Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
