I just cut my nipple shaving
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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