I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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