Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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