I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
