direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
