I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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