So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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