zippers are such a cool invention
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize