Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
