??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
