Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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