the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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