Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
