your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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