um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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