i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
