I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize