Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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