I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
