I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
