when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
