her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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