i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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