oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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