So drunk its hurt
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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