So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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