I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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