You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
