She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
