weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
