I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
