This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
