When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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