you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
