Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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