and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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