My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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