You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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