so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
