I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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