i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
