why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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