So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
